Thursday, October 11, 2012

Inhibition


The boughs
of the phylogenetic tree
show clearly
that we’ve evolved away
from our shells
being bound to our spines —
hiding our faces
and tucking in our limbs
won’t save us
from the calamity
that life decides to hurl
in our direction.

I guess that must be why
this feels unnatural.
In the back of my throat
I form words that
pool like mercury:
strong and sterling,
but suddenly disjointed
and toxic
at each hesitation.
They want
(more than anything)
to soar in their elocution
tossing the deadweight
of insecurity
off their backs
as they unfurl
their exuberant wings.

But it’s so hard to fly.
No one can just sprout wings
spontaneously.
Even the caterpillar —
a recluse inside its chrysalis —
has to dissolve its own body entirely, —
only barley dodging death —
leaving itself a puddle of potential
before it can rebuild itself from scratch
and flutter off
to the bright blue skies.


Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Misfit


I am usually
a prim and proper
noun, standing tall
in every sentence –
no tittles or cross strokes
reaching the height of
my definition –
but some days are different:

the paragraphs are tight
they don’t leave room
for any subject
I cite,
not even in the space
of indentations

so I linger
without transition

between margins
and sometimes
I feel

my letters
disassemble,

their eyes
zone out
or maybe
well up with tears

finials
taper even more
becoming invisible

legs and arms start to
wilt
leaving blotches of ink
on the text intact

I feel the irrelevance
of me

I definitely feel
the irrelevance
of me

juxtaposed

with the contents of a rule book
that I never really understood.

Just expunge me, please.
Paint over me thickly
with the most concealing
whiteout.




Monday, August 27, 2012

Neverendings


I never miss you
because we hold hands
in everseconds -
no ticks
no tocks -
just endless time,
together.

No alarm! Just
the darling we
of you
and me
(awakened
perpetually) -
as the we
of you
and me
cannot ever be

a memory.



Sunday, August 26, 2012

Painful Recovery


If you love me
stab me

with the truth.

This will hurt less
than bandaging me

with lies

numbing me
softly

and then forcing me
to peel them all off

a day too much later.



Saturday, August 25, 2012

Changing Scenery

I haven’t sat here
since the day you told me
you didn’t feel the same

but something about it
has changed.

The table is still metal black
the seats are still oddly cold
but the sunlight has made it new somehow –
everything is plated in gold.

I would be forced to pass this place before
and get a strange knot in my throat
but right now I’m leaning, scribbling, humming a song
and my smile is staying afloat.

The tree in front of me
is poised just like I am
its leaves are relaxed and ruffling

and the mourning dove is not mourning
the rush of cars isn’t rushing
there isn’t a single cloud overhead
and there are blades of luscious green
between bricks of stony red.

There is a smile in the stiffness
of the kingfisher’s narrow beak
there is cheer in the flutter
of the sparrow’s shower
there is love in the glide
of the starling’s wings
and in my writing hand

there is power.




Friday, August 24, 2012

Go Ahead

seal my windows with the
blackest of curtains
force night
upon my heydays
and then
when the zen
of night commences
and stars glimmer
on a cerulean ceiling
drown me
in caffeine
shine me
with white lights
but remember
a part of me
is still circadian

there is a sun
in my skull
and there is a moon
in each eye
there is a song looping
through my veins
there is percussion
setting my bones
and the city beat
drums on
against my endless
heartsky.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Deal Breaker

It's not worth the pain

if our laughter was never loud

in the eye-rolling crowd.




Wednesday, August 22, 2012

After Four Years

I’m picking hearts off the wall
pink ones and yellow ones
made of construction paper
symmetrical and scattered

and with them go my postcards -
Spain, France, and England -

my portraits in red ink
(in constant self-revision)

and love poems and bumper stickers which say concisely
precisely what I believe.

I’m picking stars off the wall
each one filled in sharpie ink
with words of the greats

and then I take down letters
and cards, decorated so artfully
by people who were even there
through the tearful nights
they never saw.

I’m putting all of this in a narrow box
that fits every shape, size, and color

and I’m leaving it open

because I know nothing will fall out.

I’m sitting on this sheetless bed
and staring at walls I forgot were white. 



Monday, August 20, 2012

Five Stars Without a Twinkle

The mood right now isn’t coffee-shop

or fancy-elevator-ride,

Darling, it’s raining neon colors

and flooding liquid gold outside!

Sorry, I couldn’t get my dress tailored

or buy those achromatic heels,

but I bought these flip flops freshly tattered

for special occasions like these!

So please, let’s leave this tinted glass

and barge through the chiming door;

this napkin of silk you’ve draped across my lap

is setting us up for a lengthy bore:

Look, it catches the spills and rifts in class

but it can’t catch the thundering breeze;

and the polished silverware on the marble tabletop?

It’s just too hard to please.




Sunday, August 19, 2012

Poem Transfer

I've decided to transfer everything I wrote for pedij.tumblr.com to this blog. Sorry for not posting anything for so long - I've been writing, I swear! :) First, I'll post everything I wrote in June/July, and then I'll gradually get to things I've written afterwards.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

The Distant Past

I shiver
I sit
as all of winter
condenses
on my window.
I keep feeling
like you're hogging the blanket.

But I heard you're somewhere sunny
dipping feathers in indigo ink
writing words
sending notes

that haven't reached me yet.



Sunday, June 10, 2012

Fashionably Too Late

(inspiration: this article)



It’s best that bull’s-eyes
stay pixelated,
not painted onto tangible targets –
wooden, shaped like black hollow hoodies
with a pack of skittles up one sleeve
and a threatening bottle of iced tea in the other  –
kept at a distance
that you choose.
It’s different in this dimension –
this isn’t a video game.
You can’t just stop
push the plastic button
under your thumb
take those shots back,
reload.
Here, on sidewalks you can feel
under your walking feet,
bullets fire
get lodged
and stay
in wood, in bone,
in flesh,
in memories –
and it’s not romantic nostalgia.
It’s crimson pooling at your feet.
It’s a pair of rolling eyes flashing white.
It’s the wetness of tears in winter air.
It’s angry cries, it’s sniffling pleas –
some last loud and long
and the silent ones
blare only with helpless frowns,
endlessly.




[check out more at http://www.pedij.tumblr.com]

Saturday, June 9, 2012

June Project

My friend Steven and I have decided to write (or at least attempt to write) a poem every day this month. I've been falling a little behind, but this is SO FULFILLING nonetheless. Here is the link:

http://www.pedij.tumblr.com

I will also be posting some poems I posted on that blog to this blog. I hope you all enjoy. I may be unemployed, but I'm trying to live through this phase with dignity and with happiness. What better way to do that than with poetry?

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Acausal


Sometimes salt water doesn't know
why it flows -

a ripple somewhere makes its mark,
when it's soundless, when it's dark.


Monday, May 7, 2012

The Gowri Smiles

I am truly thrilled and honored to have my poetry published in The Winding Banister Review!

This gives me something to smile about while I'm piled under the insane amount of work I have this week and next week. I haven't seen many of my best friends in over three days; it's really upsetting. I could really use another snowmageddon. Oh, right - it's May. -___-

Back to my lab report. And essay. And lectures. *sigh*

Monday, March 26, 2012

Black Noise

Today the water
of my eyes will run
asymmetrically -
I inhale long, shivering,
and exhale quick and curt -
each drop will fall
into the casing
of my understanding pillow.
Tomorrow I will smile -
the moonshine of last night
will radiate from the tips of
my laugh lines
and we will laugh
and laugh
until the sound of my laugh
wanes of its worth to you
and in times to come
I will write you more -
with the streaming ink of my pen
filling blanks,
no edits, no gold lining,
in the simplest typeface -
epitaphs of how I feel truly
the love of you
dear sister
and the love of me
to you
and again I will hope
that such a difficult admission for me
will by you not be
skimmed merely as
superfluous.



Thursday, February 16, 2012

School's bullying me

I feel like Edward Norton's character in the first few scenes of Fight Club at the moment.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Woot, Rejection!

Well, nothing new. Stylus, the official literary magazine of UMCP, rejected my submissions once again. When the same thing happened two years ago, I sat in a study lounge on the 7th floor of Ellicott Hall and cried my eyes out. Today, I don't feel hurt by it. I feel sad - it would have been nice to have something published before I graduated from here, but I guess that's not going to happen. However, my love for poetry really does heal all these little wounds I acquire at times like these.

I turned in 5 poems, all of which are on this blog. "Hero," "Restless," "Page 89," "Severance," and "Vestiges." The former three have been rejected thus far, so I'm not expecting the staff to like the other two. Wellllllll... hopefully I have readers on here, because I really do feel honored to have caring eyes fall on my work. In the end, I can't publish that feeling of gratitude anywhere - except in my heart.

Yes, I'm cheesy. Get over it ;)

Love,
Gowri

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Vividity

Love is clarity
like never before 
Even the focus of tearful eyes
projects
the sharpest picture.